How to Make 10 Mistakes on the First Page

Hard to believe, but I just found a script with 10 no-no's on page one:

1. Slug line did not specify setting of first scene, just the building

2. Scene moved between four rooms/locations w/o scene changes

3. Action lines filled with multiple, separate, actions. Fine for a novel, but not a script

4. Action lines tell us info we could not possibly see

5. Lead character's name in caps twice instead of just at first sight

6. Other character's name not in caps at first sight

7. Upcoming plot point is something we could see in a few pages, but the lead tells us about it instead (killing the mystery and breaking the 'show, don't tell' rule)

8. Dialogue states the same point twice

9. Specific song was mentioned as playing on radio

10. Lots of 'we see's in action lines

And one to grow on in case any of the above are up for debate:

11. No description given on meeting any of the characters

Art has few rules, but screenwriting is an art that has quite a few. I recommend scripts that break a few here and there, but ten in the first page? No reader could recommend this without risking their job.

Help us help you. Master the rules. Then, whether you follow all of them or not, your mastery will show in your work.

This Next Bit is Awesome....

Remember I asked you not to write novels in 'action lines?' That maybe we don't call them 'action lines' just because calling them 'unpublished novel lines' would be too many syllables? I have an addendum...

Also avoid using your action lines to tell us how awesome, or deep, or metaphorical your next bit of dialogue is.

If it is good, you just undercut it with a spoiler. If it isn't... I don't need to explain the downside to that.

Cover Story

Newsflash: Cover stories are hardly ever about how awesome someone is. One person rarely appears on many simultaneously. You hardly ever see one face broadcast all over Times Square, especially over the word 'Messiah?'

If you want your lead to look like Captain Awesome McSuck My Balls you have to try harder. Like, original 'State of Play' harder, where the bright young hope of his party was not introduced during an interview in which a flirty reporter asked him to comment on the rumors God was stepping down next year to let him the take over. That is not what State of Play did.

This is what they did: In what looked like a dry committee hearing he personally reamed an oil company shill a new one with his team's own investigative research.

He earned respect.

Earned.

Stop telling us your lead is so damn cool and show us something.


(Show, don't tell. Didn't I read that in a screenwriting book somewhere?)

No Weather-Controlling Device for You

Stop telling me how full the moon is. Full moons are expensive. And you never use them for plot. You're just trying to have your own 'Truman Show.'

No, you can't 'cue the sun.' A little weather now and then doesn't hurt if it's plot related. Break-ups happen during storms, sunlight breaks through with new hope, rain equals rebirth... Fine.

But 'Because it's cool' is not plot related.


PS: I know I've said this, but stop giving resumes in character descriptions! Remember: If the audience can't see or hear it, it doesn't exist.