Picture in your mind a proud, anxious young man in a job interview. Think about how he'd like to sound.
"Good afternoon, sir. Thank you for meeting me. And for this opportunity. I really appreciate it."
Short, flavorless sentences. Few contractions. Formality.
Every year I read scripts where characters speak like this all the time. It's the cinematic equivalent of a Martini so dry they skipped the water *and* the alcohol.
Your script is part job interview. True. But it should never sound like one. Even calm, respectful characters speak with creativity. If you doubt this, see Larry Crown. It's a masterwork of good characters that sound different from the lead and from each other.
Life isn't one long job interview. Neither is your next great script.
