To my delight and delectation I have a script today where the action lines do NOT look like this:
This is not an action line, it's a paragraph. This is not an action line, it's a paragraph. This is not an action line, it's a paragraph. This is not an action line, it's a paragraph. This is not an action line, it's a paragraph. This is not an action line, it's a paragraph. This is not an action line, it's a paragraph. This is not an action line, it's a paragraph.
Happy day!
However, in this case the action looks more like this:
This is an action line.
This is a redundant action line.
This is a redundant action line.
This is a redundant action line.
This is a redundant action line.
This is a redundant action line.
Close. So close!
The important thing to remember about action lines is they're all about brevity. Don't tell us everything we see, tell us everything we need to see. For example:
CHARACTER eats RIBS at the table. Messy, but clearly his favorite.
The DOORBELL rings.
Sauce all over him, CHARACTER looks around for a napkin, paper towel... He grabs a TIE from a nearby LAUNDRY BASKET as he rushes to the door.
Beats both of the following:
********************************************
CHARACTER sits at a dinning room table, a plate of RIBS in front of him. Hot. Steaming. Messy as all Hell. Real 4th of July feast food. He reaches for the first one with obvious anticipation and takes a huge bite. His face reflects the high quality of the meal. Soooo good! This man clearly likes to eat like a king - specifically Henry the VIII.
The DOORBELL rings.
Shoot! Character looks around, aware of how messy he must look. If rib sauce were blood he'd look like a vampire right about now! He turns to the right and the left, looking for sanitary salvation. Is there a napkin nearby? A paper towel? ANYTHING?
He stands and pushes his chair back from the table. Now he's frantic! There's got to be something! He looks around, taking in a full 360 of the room. Not even a window curtain! Damn you, Venetian blinds!
Suddenly, an idea hits him! He rushes to the LAUNDRY BASKET and pulls out a tie he never liked. Well, he likes it now!
The last of the 'evidence' removed, he saunters with casual aplomb to the door...
********************************************
CHARACTER sits at a dinning room table.
He reaches for a plate of RIBS.
He digs in.
He licks sauce off his fingers with obvious relish.
He smiles.
The DOORBELL rings.
He looks up, alarmed.
He looks left and right.
He stands up.
He walks away from the table.
He inspects the room.
He sees a LAUNDRY BASKET.
He approaches the basket and looks at the top items.
He grabs a TIE.
He wipes his face and fingers off.
He goes to the door.
********************************************
The first example shows roughly the same story, but with far more economy of space. The second looks like it was lifted out of an unpublished novel. The third looks like the writer doesn't think we understand that a door will be walked to before it will be opened.
Mistakes like these kill pacing and wreck havoc with page counts.
Action lines. Short. Sharp. Packed with necessary info. That's what they should be, and in good scripts that's what they are.
